Q:   What does self-esteem really mean anyway?

A:  There has been much controversy over the years surrounding the definition of self-esteem. Some believe it means “feeling good and having positive feelings about oneself.” Others use adjectives like arrogance, superiority, conceit and egotism to describe self-esteem. The definition supported by R.O.S.E. comes from the NASE, and includes much more than a “feeling.” The NASE defines it as:

• The experience of being capable of meeting life’s challenges and being worthy of happiness

• Taken a step further, what this really means is: Being able to meet the various challenges we’re faced with daily by balancing our sense of “competence” and our sense of “worthiness.”

• Competence refers to the extent in which we believe we are capable of producing desired results, and our ability to think and make conscious and appropriate decisions and choices.

• Worthiness refers to the extent in which we believe we live up to fundamental human values and whether or not we are deserving of satisfaction and happiness.

• An unhealthy / low self-esteem becomes the result of an imbalance between competence and worth. This is where our behaviors are changed to include egotism, arrogance, bragging, bullying, harming others (verbally or physically) etc. Look at it this way: Whenever you choose to make unconscious and inappropriate decisions and choices, one of these elements is most likely out of balance. You should then re-evaluate your situation and take the steps necessary to get back in sync.

Q:  Can a person have TOO MUCH self-esteem?

A:  Absolutely NOT! Again, the key to having a healthy self-esteem is determined by the balance between competence and worth. If either of these are inflated or demised, the results are actually demonstrative of a low self-esteem. Individuals try to over compensate one for the other, so may display inappropriate behaviors. This why it’s important for people to be able to differentiate such displays, and understand what’s really go on.

Q:   What are signs that might help identify an unhealthy / low self-esteem?

A:  There are a number of signs that may reflect an unhealthy / low self-esteem. Some are more visible to others than others, so they’re not always easily identifiable. Some signs may include the following:

• You are stressful a great deal of the time

• You don’t smile much

• You like to be alone as opposed to being around others

• You think about yourself a lot, wondering why you are they way you are

• You are fearful

• You don’t make friends very easily 

• You sleep a lot 

• You don’t set goals 

• You don’t take risks or chances 

• You avoid intimacy

• You may have the potential of becoming violent 

• You speak negatively about yourself (self-talk) 

• You lie

• You don’t forgive (others or yourself) 

• You don’t feel remorseful about anything

Q:  Is self-esteem hereditary?

A:  No. Parents and other family members obviously play an important role in our life and in our upbringing, but they cannot determine what our self-esteem level will ultimately be. They certainly help to provide us with a solid foundation and elements that may influence our self-esteem, but WE determine our own self-esteem. Genetics may come into play is some ways, but it is not believed that just because a parent has an unhealthy / low self-esteem that the child automatically would too.

Q:   How can parents help their children?

A:  The key to helping our children is by being involved in their life and by continuously communicating with them. Some suggestions might include:

• Be honest and truthful

• Praise for effort as well as for a job well done

• Show affection

• Be the best role model you can be

• Provide a nurturing and safe home environment for your child

• Protect and respect your child

• Help your child see the positive side of things 

• Redirect your child’s inaccurate beliefs 

• Listen to your child’s feelings 

• Encourage your child to make good choices

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